Feast or Famine
At the start of the year I was really concerned that I was failing as an actor. Two projects that I had been looking forward to just fell apart and I had nothing lined up. I felt like I was doing as much as I could, submitting to everything I could on Backstage and Actors Access. Submitting to projects through my agent, but nothing was turning out.
So, I decided to move forward with a project I wrote myself. Oh boy that opened the door to a whole new perspective.
I knew a little about what directing would be like, running a near-no budget project in a state that has nothing much in the way of incentives. I had no funding at first, and I only have funding now because a local director agreed to help me as a producer for my project.
Since then, I have landed a role in Tampa Fringe (FINALLY. A theatre role! Oh how I have missed live theatre!!! ), set the shoot dates for my short film, I've been offered two other short film roles, a possible involvement in a local Film Festival and I've been asked to volunteer for a theatre that I have been -dying- to be part of.
I've met many an actor who share this sense of panic and dread when they are not actively involved in something. I think it's just a consistent struggle of an actor. Everything seems so far-fetched and out of reach and so much time is wasted wracking your brain trying to figure out how the hell you will ever be able to afford living in LA (or even moving out there for that matter), let alone wondering if you will ever manage to be financially successful enough in it to give up a survival job - and then the matter of, how do you balance that survival job with time spent furthering your craft. What about the cost of classes? Time to take those classes? And then comes back that fear that you are just kidding yourself. Then all of a sudden you are busier than ever and you forget for a little while how scared you are that you'll just be another broken dreamer.
I'm not sure if that fear will ever go away. I think there is always that flicker of imposter syndrome, no matter how grand you become. Part of me feels it is necessary, it prevents you from getting too "big for your britches".
Lately I've bumped into that panic from the directing side. Three weeks until principal photography, and I've lost my AD, one of my main actors, and one of the primary locations. I've been in a panicked scramble trying to get it sorted so we don't have to post-pone the project and possibly run into scheduling conflicts from the other cast and crew. This project is only going to take 1-2 days of filming, because it is -so short- (1.5 pages, minimal dialogue, no stunts). I can't imagine what this process would be like on a bigger project, or with a feature film. I'm stressed like crazy, but I find this has been a valuable experience - it's a healthy new respect for what directors and indie filmmakers go through.
So, I decided to move forward with a project I wrote myself. Oh boy that opened the door to a whole new perspective.
I knew a little about what directing would be like, running a near-no budget project in a state that has nothing much in the way of incentives. I had no funding at first, and I only have funding now because a local director agreed to help me as a producer for my project.
Since then, I have landed a role in Tampa Fringe (FINALLY. A theatre role! Oh how I have missed live theatre!!! ), set the shoot dates for my short film, I've been offered two other short film roles, a possible involvement in a local Film Festival and I've been asked to volunteer for a theatre that I have been -dying- to be part of.
I've met many an actor who share this sense of panic and dread when they are not actively involved in something. I think it's just a consistent struggle of an actor. Everything seems so far-fetched and out of reach and so much time is wasted wracking your brain trying to figure out how the hell you will ever be able to afford living in LA (or even moving out there for that matter), let alone wondering if you will ever manage to be financially successful enough in it to give up a survival job - and then the matter of, how do you balance that survival job with time spent furthering your craft. What about the cost of classes? Time to take those classes? And then comes back that fear that you are just kidding yourself. Then all of a sudden you are busier than ever and you forget for a little while how scared you are that you'll just be another broken dreamer.
I'm not sure if that fear will ever go away. I think there is always that flicker of imposter syndrome, no matter how grand you become. Part of me feels it is necessary, it prevents you from getting too "big for your britches".
Lately I've bumped into that panic from the directing side. Three weeks until principal photography, and I've lost my AD, one of my main actors, and one of the primary locations. I've been in a panicked scramble trying to get it sorted so we don't have to post-pone the project and possibly run into scheduling conflicts from the other cast and crew. This project is only going to take 1-2 days of filming, because it is -so short- (1.5 pages, minimal dialogue, no stunts). I can't imagine what this process would be like on a bigger project, or with a feature film. I'm stressed like crazy, but I find this has been a valuable experience - it's a healthy new respect for what directors and indie filmmakers go through.
Comments
Post a Comment