Imperfection
"The essence of man is imperfection." - John C Maxwell.
I think it is more than the essence of man. The essence of life is imperfection.
Tonight is a tricky night. I had a talk with my roommates about my goals for the end of this year. I'm planning on making the move out to LA with Jordie (who I know from Truthful Acting Studios and just last year moved to Atlanta).
I have never been financially stable. My entire adult life thus far has just been a matter of staying one step ahead of losing everything. I have had jobs where I have been harassed and gone home every night miserable and in tears. I have had jobs at businesses that have failed. I have had jobs where I never got enough hours to pay my bills. I have had my paychecks bounced, my job suddenly gone without warning because they couldn't pay the staff. I currently have two jobs and make enough to pay my bills, but it's tough and one of those jobs is very unstable. My financial life has -always- been unstable. I've never quite been able to get a footing because something inevitably always happens.
I don't know if I will ever have the money to move to LA in confidence, but I am to the point where I feel like I must make a choice. I either put money and fiscal stability first, or I take a leap and let the dice fall where they may. It's said that fortune favors the bold, but it doesn't make it any less scary, and it is by no means a guarantee.
I know people out in LA already, so I don't feel like I would wind up homeless (at least I would hope not). I just don't know where life will take me once I am out there. I feel like I am on the verge. I'm on the edge of a cliff that could be my destruction, or it could be my genesis.
I'm listening to The Album Leaf right now to try to temper my inner panic. Every time I think about this I am flooded with this chaotic internal swirl of emotions. Confusion, despair, lonliness, fear... fear I'll fail. Fear that I will be saying goodbye to my dearest friends in this world and who knows when I will see them again. I won't have the money for visits back for a long while, of that I am sure. Most actors, even the best of them, it takes years to make a name for yourself out there.
I have no delusions as far as the difficulty goes. I know how impossible a dream this may seem. I know how insane it is to take that leap with nothing in your pocket. I don't feel like I have much of a choice. I do but.. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't try, if I didn't put everything that I have in this.
The purpose of the title is a reminder. Imperfection. Nothing will ever be perfect. The perfect time, the perfect moment. Nothing will ever be just right. You just need to take a chance sometimes. Sometimes that risk is drastic and can impact the rest of your life. Is it worth it? I think so.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
I think it is more than the essence of man. The essence of life is imperfection.
Tonight is a tricky night. I had a talk with my roommates about my goals for the end of this year. I'm planning on making the move out to LA with Jordie (who I know from Truthful Acting Studios and just last year moved to Atlanta).
I have never been financially stable. My entire adult life thus far has just been a matter of staying one step ahead of losing everything. I have had jobs where I have been harassed and gone home every night miserable and in tears. I have had jobs at businesses that have failed. I have had jobs where I never got enough hours to pay my bills. I have had my paychecks bounced, my job suddenly gone without warning because they couldn't pay the staff. I currently have two jobs and make enough to pay my bills, but it's tough and one of those jobs is very unstable. My financial life has -always- been unstable. I've never quite been able to get a footing because something inevitably always happens.
I don't know if I will ever have the money to move to LA in confidence, but I am to the point where I feel like I must make a choice. I either put money and fiscal stability first, or I take a leap and let the dice fall where they may. It's said that fortune favors the bold, but it doesn't make it any less scary, and it is by no means a guarantee.
I know people out in LA already, so I don't feel like I would wind up homeless (at least I would hope not). I just don't know where life will take me once I am out there. I feel like I am on the verge. I'm on the edge of a cliff that could be my destruction, or it could be my genesis.
I'm listening to The Album Leaf right now to try to temper my inner panic. Every time I think about this I am flooded with this chaotic internal swirl of emotions. Confusion, despair, lonliness, fear... fear I'll fail. Fear that I will be saying goodbye to my dearest friends in this world and who knows when I will see them again. I won't have the money for visits back for a long while, of that I am sure. Most actors, even the best of them, it takes years to make a name for yourself out there.
I have no delusions as far as the difficulty goes. I know how impossible a dream this may seem. I know how insane it is to take that leap with nothing in your pocket. I don't feel like I have much of a choice. I do but.. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't try, if I didn't put everything that I have in this.
The purpose of the title is a reminder. Imperfection. Nothing will ever be perfect. The perfect time, the perfect moment. Nothing will ever be just right. You just need to take a chance sometimes. Sometimes that risk is drastic and can impact the rest of your life. Is it worth it? I think so.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
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