Loneliness
There's been a lot on my mind lately and something that I have been mulling over is the reaction and response I get to what I am doing. As I have said before there's a struggle with loneliness and a feeling of isolation. There are many splinters to this.
The part I have been dealing with recently is the reality that I am kindof pushed aside as a crazy person because I don't follow the normal checklist of life. I am not married, I don't have kids, and I am not working my way through college to get a secure financial nest egg together to buy a house for when I do decide to start a family. Truth be told, part of me has always known that was never my path. It's not something I ever would have really been content with (following a pre-set, pre-approved checklist of a successful life).
A large part of my philosophy, not just as an artist, but as a human being is that life is a an opportunity to stretch the limits of possibility and attempt the farthest reaches of your potential. Human potential, I believe is limitless. We have 100 years if we are lucky and that is really not a long time in the grand scheme of things. We are in a race against the clock, but also against ourselves- against complacency. I have never wanted to get complacent in life. I don't view life as just this thing we are trapped in to live, to marry, to have children, to retire (if we're lucky), and to die. That isn't enough for me. I have a hunger for more, and I always have. I want to challenge myself to do more, always. To learn more, to grow more, to develop more.
So where does this come from? It comes from being told that having a child is the highest achievement possible for a human being. I don't agree with that, and I really don't like the idea of having a child simply because it is some idea of a life achievement. I do want children eventually, but I am of the mind that having a child should come from a desire to bring another being into the world to nurture and inspire and help grow in life, NOT because it is on some sort of life achievement checklist. A child isn't some sort of trophy for being a successful adult. I was hit with this explanation of "the highest achievement" by a family member and I realized that no matter what I do or accomplish in life, it will never be enough for some people, even for some people I love. A dream and passion is for you. You must find joy in it for yourself.
I have known some people who say they know themselves, I don't think this is possible. You can get stubborn and refuse to grow, but if you are on an path of constant motion, how can you ever really see where you are? When you are running- you can either look forward or back, up or down. You can stop and say "This is where I am in time and space", but the moment you even say that, things have changed. The present is fleeting and ever out of our grasp, so savor it. Don't get complacent and stagnant and spend your life wishing on a star or staring back at the past.
I like to tell stories because it is how I come to terms with other lives that I will never experience. Truly, I will never know what it is like to be you, but I am nonetheless curious what I would be like, had I been placed in your circumstances. Acting is a method of stepping into another set of circumstances and my journey to develop my craft is really just a journey of understanding, compassion (coming from the Latin com- which means with/together and pati which means to suffer), and curiosity on human nature, behaviour, and fallacy.
I seek not just to tell stories for myself but to inspire others to be curious as well. I like stories that tell things from the perspective of someone you otherwise wouldn't hear or understand. I find those with the "strangest" of people the most fascinating and I find that often the initial preconceptions that the world at large has of a situation or person are incorrect. I like to dig deeper and find what lies under the rumor or the initial shell of what we see at first glance.
Unfortunately this fascination with these things leads to an alienation in typical conversation. In a weird way, I find it difficult to relate to a lot of people who lack this curiosity or ambition. I'm driven by it, so talking to people who see the world as cut-and-dry and who view life just a checklist of achievements for white-picket success is frustrating. Life is so much more than that.
"Here's to the ones who dream, foolish as they may seem..."
It seems crazy, but honestly- I'd rather live life as a mad-woman than in stagnant complacency. No matter what your dreams and goals- don't be afraid to live life fully, find what stirs a fire in your heart, cultivate it... and if you're crazy for that. So be it. Join the ranks of the mad, insane, strange and unusual. That's where you'll find me.
The part I have been dealing with recently is the reality that I am kindof pushed aside as a crazy person because I don't follow the normal checklist of life. I am not married, I don't have kids, and I am not working my way through college to get a secure financial nest egg together to buy a house for when I do decide to start a family. Truth be told, part of me has always known that was never my path. It's not something I ever would have really been content with (following a pre-set, pre-approved checklist of a successful life).
A large part of my philosophy, not just as an artist, but as a human being is that life is a an opportunity to stretch the limits of possibility and attempt the farthest reaches of your potential. Human potential, I believe is limitless. We have 100 years if we are lucky and that is really not a long time in the grand scheme of things. We are in a race against the clock, but also against ourselves- against complacency. I have never wanted to get complacent in life. I don't view life as just this thing we are trapped in to live, to marry, to have children, to retire (if we're lucky), and to die. That isn't enough for me. I have a hunger for more, and I always have. I want to challenge myself to do more, always. To learn more, to grow more, to develop more.
So where does this come from? It comes from being told that having a child is the highest achievement possible for a human being. I don't agree with that, and I really don't like the idea of having a child simply because it is some idea of a life achievement. I do want children eventually, but I am of the mind that having a child should come from a desire to bring another being into the world to nurture and inspire and help grow in life, NOT because it is on some sort of life achievement checklist. A child isn't some sort of trophy for being a successful adult. I was hit with this explanation of "the highest achievement" by a family member and I realized that no matter what I do or accomplish in life, it will never be enough for some people, even for some people I love. A dream and passion is for you. You must find joy in it for yourself.
I have known some people who say they know themselves, I don't think this is possible. You can get stubborn and refuse to grow, but if you are on an path of constant motion, how can you ever really see where you are? When you are running- you can either look forward or back, up or down. You can stop and say "This is where I am in time and space", but the moment you even say that, things have changed. The present is fleeting and ever out of our grasp, so savor it. Don't get complacent and stagnant and spend your life wishing on a star or staring back at the past.
I like to tell stories because it is how I come to terms with other lives that I will never experience. Truly, I will never know what it is like to be you, but I am nonetheless curious what I would be like, had I been placed in your circumstances. Acting is a method of stepping into another set of circumstances and my journey to develop my craft is really just a journey of understanding, compassion (coming from the Latin com- which means with/together and pati which means to suffer), and curiosity on human nature, behaviour, and fallacy.
I seek not just to tell stories for myself but to inspire others to be curious as well. I like stories that tell things from the perspective of someone you otherwise wouldn't hear or understand. I find those with the "strangest" of people the most fascinating and I find that often the initial preconceptions that the world at large has of a situation or person are incorrect. I like to dig deeper and find what lies under the rumor or the initial shell of what we see at first glance.
Unfortunately this fascination with these things leads to an alienation in typical conversation. In a weird way, I find it difficult to relate to a lot of people who lack this curiosity or ambition. I'm driven by it, so talking to people who see the world as cut-and-dry and who view life just a checklist of achievements for white-picket success is frustrating. Life is so much more than that.
"Here's to the ones who dream, foolish as they may seem..."
It seems crazy, but honestly- I'd rather live life as a mad-woman than in stagnant complacency. No matter what your dreams and goals- don't be afraid to live life fully, find what stirs a fire in your heart, cultivate it... and if you're crazy for that. So be it. Join the ranks of the mad, insane, strange and unusual. That's where you'll find me.
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